The Curious Case Of The "P" In PTA -- Parent Or Prayer?

My daughters spent the last night in the US, in Iowa City, with a good friend. Later she told me that in preparation for the long journey back to Israel she had baptized the girls-- just in case.  I felt that it was a bit extreme but said nothing, I knew that it was an act of love and did not want to hurt my friend's feelings.

Less than a year later we found ourselves back in the US, this time my husband was hired sight unseen by a large company which moved us from Israel to Texas. His lab was outside Fort Worth, and we settled in a nearby town, in a good school district. Our daughters went to the elementary public school down the road and I, an involved parent, joined the PTA.

Read more in
http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/the-curious-case-of-the-p-in-pta-parent-or-prayer/

Yes I Am Israeli And You Are An Anti-Semite

When I was in graduate school one of my professors  made a comment: ” Why won’t you write your dissertation in Literary theory?  you are Jewish and Jews are famous for their love of ideas”  I didn’t know how to respond, on the one hand I knew that I wasn’t going to write about  theory, but on the other hand I didn't want to ruin his good impression of the Jewish people.

Only later when I studied the subject more thoroughly I realized that, like other forms of generalizations, cultural stereotypes serve as a short cut, and help people to comprehend better their reality. It is also a way to measure oneself against the others. Moreover, although it sounds like a judgment it could be used as an observation.

Keep reading this post in my Times Of Israel blog:
http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/yes-i-am-israeli-and-you-are-an-anti-semite/

Some Thoughts About The Choice of Being A Mother

Last year in London I  heard  Chief Rabbi Jonathan Sacks talks on the radio (BBC 4) about the passing of Robert Edwards, one of the creators of the technique of  in-vitro fertilization (IVF). Sacks argued that for the Jewish people IVF is regarded as a great help in God’s work.

I appreciate the significance of IVF and the huge difference it made in enabling women, who wanted to, to become mothers. However, it is exactly this kind of attitude which could bring unhappiness to women who either are unable to conceive, regardless of the procedure, or, God forbid, choose not to have children. 

 Israel is a child-centered society and in our country the Ministry of Health finances four  IVF treatments to enable the birth of a first and second child in a family, and after that it allows eight more in the following two years.

 With such endorsement why would any woman end up childless? This approach assumes that given a choice, all women would want to become a mother.

 While I am grateful for the support of the Israeli government, which provides an equal chance to every woman, regardless of her economic situation, it clearly demonstrates the priorities of our society and its leaders. I often feel that Israel is more willing to invest in babies yet to be born than to help children who are already here and need great deal of financial help in order to thrive.

Since today many women postpone motherhood to a later stage,  IVF is especially critical. For those women who are eager to have a child the emotional and physical toll of the procedure is a small price to pay and they do it readily.  

 But if the treatment fails, many Israeli women are reluctant to  give up on, what they believe to be, their only chance for happiness. Others feel pressure to keep on trying, often harming their health and putting a strain on the relationship with their partner. 

 Still, even in Israel, like in the rest of the world, some women prefer to remain childless. They have, no doubt, seriously considered the matter and decided that motherhood was not for them.

 Yet,  for reasons which have to do with our religion, the Holocaust, and the demographics in the Middle East, this choice seems unacceptable. In Israel the decision to have a child ceases to be a private matter but becomes a patriotic duty. Choosing not to have a child is almost regarded as a betrayal. 

 Public leaders like Rabbi Jonathan Sacks should be more sensitive and  careful when they speak. Not every woman is able to or wishes to have a child. Can’t we just respect her decision and make sure that we let her feel like she has made the right choice for her?

Kafka And The Art Of Glossing Over A Blunder

 AUG.23.2013 

Back when we were at university, a time when life was simpler, my husband  and I spent 2 months hitchhiking through Europe. Since I studied art history, Italy was our natural destination. We were a young and clean looking couple and never waited long for a ride. Drivers were extremely kind to us and always wanted to talk. For example, on the way to the tiny republic of San Marino, a woman slightly older than us gave us a ride. We started a conversation and she invited us to stay the night at her house. She said that she too had been traveling, and people had invited her to the their houses.

Another place which I wanted to visit was Riva Del Garda. In addition to art history I also studied literature, and the town Riva on Lake Garda is the setting for Kafka’s short story "The Hunter Gracchus.” On the way there we got a ride from a distinguished looking Italian gentleman, in his late forties. Perhaps he was younger but to us he seemed very old. He told us that he was a lawyer and asked what we studied. Upon hearing that I studied literature he said that he loved to read. Tzvi, looking for something to talk about, said “my wife is going to Riva del Garda because of a short story,” "Who is the author?" he asked me "Franz Kafka and the story is 'The Hunter Gracchus.'” "I have never heard of Kafka." he said. We felt very bad, as we were his guests and our job was to entertain him so he would feel happy that he had given us a ride. Suddenly I heard my husband  saying “Ah Kafka, he is a minor Jewish author, only Jewish people have heard of him."

We were relieved to step out of the car. After that unfortunate exchange we were quite worried that we would say anything which would make our driver uncomfortable.

When we went to see the lake in the late afternoon, I could imagine Gracchus’s lost boat getting into Riva del Garda. Gracchus the hunter insists that he has been dead for hundreds of years, but he is the protagonist and the narrator of this short story and his restless and endless death seems very much like life.

Throughout the years I have read this story many times without seeming to understand this exercise in futility any better. My memory of the story is mixed up with images of a hazy afternoon on the lake in Riva, the park by the lake, the driver who became anxious because he didn’t know who Kafka was, and poor Gracchus who is still looking for a port.

When I looked for some information about the story I came across this statement by Karen Bernardo, “Gracchus's role as a dead man in the world of the living ironically parallels Kafka's position as a Jew in a Christian and anti-Semitic society. He is an outsider, and there is nothing to be done about it.”

So now I have finally figured out the convoluted connection between Gracchus, Riva del Garda, a young Israeli couple and “a minor Jewish author.”

  

 :