Between Chores And Personal Freedom

 MAR.10.2013 

My brother and I were very familiar with the concept of a burden, in our home it meant doing our chores. My mother taught us to always do those first and then we would be free. We didn’t help much around the house so our tasks were mainly doing homework and practicing the cello- for my brother and doing homework for me. But sometimes even completing those proved too much. I  Still  remember that during the summer holiday, when my mother returned  home from work, at noon, and found us  still asleep, she would move the shutters and say gently ”I don’t like meeting the morning when I come home at noon”  we both felt ashamed.

In my turn I followed my mother’s example and taught my daughters about burdens and tasks. I have to admit that my girls were much more diligent than I was at their age. As they both played a musical instrument we woke up every day  at 6am and started the day with practice (we were not very popular among our neighbors, and had to move from our apartment to a detached house). This way when they came back from school in the afternoon they were already free and able to play.

My mother often said that one of the less attractive aspects of getting old was the nagging presence of a burden. At the time I  didn’t understand what she meant,  for me that  word  had  a  concrete connotation. But now I suspect that with old age my mother started to experience a different kind of burden, one which consists of fears and worries and as a result she started to “to obsess.” According to the dictionary, the verb "to obsess" means “to have the mind excessively preoccupied with a single emotion or topic." I believe that she was disliked the fact that she could not push away those fears and worries.

As I advance in age, I am getting to be more like mother, physically I look  like her and mentally I often hear my mother ‘s phrases come out of my mouth. Generally I don’t mind this development; it makes me feel closer to her. But sometimes I too experience  that nagging presence of the burden, and now I begin to realize what it entails.

 I believe that my mother was always preoccupied with the issue of  personal freedom and was looking for ways to achieve and maintain it. Taking care of one's chores first was an easy way of doing it and she passed it on to us from an early age. But with this new type of burden freedom became harder to capture and then to keep. My mother never said it explicitly but I feel that what she disliked about old age was the gradual  loss of freedom.

 My mother had a wonderful sense of humor; her forte was to tell apropos stories and anecdotes. So apropos Passover and the Israelites’ long journey to achieve freedom,  I  wish to make my  journey lighter and hope  that it will not take me  40 years to be truly free.

"Call The Midwife:" Nurse Matilda

Recently I heard of several women in their early 40s who grew weary of the business world and decided to go back to school and study nursing. They felt an urge to make a difference and to do a meaningful work. Hospitals in Israel offer today a shortened nursing course for university graduates in mid-career who are ready to make such a change.

Traditionally nursing, together with teaching and social work, was one of the few career choices open for women. The inspiring book by Jennifer Worth, and BBC British TV series it is based on “Call the Midwife,” portray a vivid and accurate picture of life of a nurse in the East End of London in the 1950s. At that time in Britain only 1% of women went to university and only 2% went to professional training courses like nursing.  

A few years earlier across the sea, my mother was such a nurse  in Mandatory Palestine . Like Worth’s midwives, she was always passionate about nursing and proud of her vocation. In 1936 two new hospitals were founded in Palestine, one in Jerusalem and one in the area of Tel Aviv,  and they also offered nursing training. My mother, who immigrated with her family a year earlier, was one of the first nurses to be trained in Palestine.  At that time nurses had to board at the dorms in the hospital and were not allowed to marry in the 3 years of their training. Although my mother had met my father soon after she arrived to Palestine, she only married him 7 years later after graduating from nursing school.

I know that my grandfather insisted that my mother, his only daughter, would pursue further education, but am not sure why, especially as her brothers did not go to university.  I would like to think that he believed in education and wanted her to have a profession so she could be financially independent and would not have to rely on a man. But perhaps, like Rachel’s father Laban, he wanted to test my father's love and endurance.

Only when I grew up I started to appreciate my mother's  determination and diligence; it was close to impossible to be accepted to nursing school in Palestine at that time. There were only the two schools and being a new immigrant she didn’t know the necessary Hebrew. She applied at least two times, but as her Hebrew was not good enough, her application was rejected.  She worked even harder on her language skills and finally was accepted in 1939. 

Like in Britain in the 1950s where only 25% of the mothers worked outside the home, growing up in the in Israel at that time, not many of our mothers worked outside the home. My mother worked as a nurse in our community until she retired, and even afterwards she continued to attend professional lectures because she was curious to learn about new professional developments.

 Although as a child I complained when we went out and people would stop my mother in the street  asking  for medical and personal advice,  I was proud of her knowledge and empathy. I believe that these  two qualities are essential for a nurse, and perhaps they explain my grandfather’s decision: he was sure that my mother had the empathy but helped her acquire the necessary knowledge.  

In honor of my mother, nurse Matilda

Photos: my mother in the hospital during nursing training, with a friend on the right side, graduation my mother is in the center.

PS. The British Mandate in Palestine lasted  from 1920 until 1948, at that year David Ben Gurion declared its independence and the state of Israel was established..