Life Behind The Partition Of The Law School Graduation Gala

The request of the religious women law students at the Hebrew University to dance behind a partition during the graduation gala, is not that absurd if we take into account the long and established connection between women who dance and the men who are there to watch them.

In many cultures throughout the generations women have been dancing for the enjoyment of men. Even in our part of the world, in the conservative Middle East, belly dance has been traditionally performed for men. Thus it is not surprising that the religious law students feel that the only way for them to avoid being watched by men is to hide behind the partition.

Dancing is not the only activity that could make women feel self-conscious when there are men around,

it is a well-known secret that many women are not comfortable eating with men, even if they are their partners. For the purpose of this post I read an article that quoted a survey of more than 5000 women that found that More than 60 per cent of women in relationships do not feel comfortable eating in front of their partner.

Women often get together for the purpose of sharing a meal together with their friends. I am not sure whether it is because some men tend to comment on what women put on the plates, the amount they eat, or that they feel more relaxed around women and they can really eat what they want. Actually I don’t need the survey, I have seen it often enough with my own friends.

But, what most women truly dislike, especially as they get older, is to walk around in their swimming suits around men. This topic is not sufficiently discussed much in public, but I heard my female friends say that they haven’t been to the beach in ages, or that they no longer go to the pool. I know from experience what they mean as being in my swimming suit makes me feel really uncomfortable

So for my 60th birthday, I invited 60 of my good women friends to a swim party at a nearby thermal pool. Almost all the guests agreed to take their clothes off and get into the water in their swimming suits. It was a wonderful experience that would not have happened if men had been around.

I feel that instead of convincing women, who refuse to dance, eat or swim around men, that they should make an effort in the name of the Feminist cause, it is much wiser to support them and respect their wish to enjoy those simple pleasures in the company of other women.

I don’t like the idea of a physical partition in the middle of the public space at the Law school gala, but I believe in a metaphorical partition. The religious women who requested a partition would not dance without one. It is their right to have their own space, a safe place, where they can have music and the privacy to dance freely and happily. Perhaps they would even be trendsetters and other women will be brave enough to join their dance.

 The essay appeared in the Times Of Israel

http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/life-behind-the-partition-of-the-law-school-graduation-gala/

"So Much fun--An Israeli Wedding"

he morning after I attended a wedding, I saw on Facebook  a photo with the following caption (in Hebrew):  “So much fun --an Israeli wedding.” This was a new one for me; I was  familiar with Jewish weddings and even heard about an Israeli documetary series on TV with  that tittle. But never before have I heard  the name  “an Israeli Wedding”as a reference to the secular/religious tradition that has evolved in the last decade in Israel.

 I have been to several weddings recently, all  had about 300 to 450 guests; and somehow it didn't matter whether they were  in town or out in the country, in the mountains up north  or in the desert down south: they were basically identical.

 Many young couples envision “the most important night in their life” as one of a kind; others  just wish that occasion to be exactly like the wedding of  their friends. But when the  special occasion is translated into its practical components, those who strive to have a unique experience and those who draw confidence from being just like everyone else end up having  pretty much the same uniform “every wedding.”  

Israel is a small country and new trends catch fast and hard, so if,  for example, one wedding features impressive fireworks  at the end of the Chuppah*  (the  Jewish marriage ceremony more ), a similar show is likely to  appear at the next wedding as well.  

Today by the time most couples are ready to tie the knot they have been living together for at least a couple of years. Planning their wedding is usually the first serious project  (normally  after the much smaller project of moving in together) that they undertake as a couple. And like any other project it involves certain procedures, most of them are specified in the same  books and magazines that the young people study. In addition, the couples get a lot of advice from their married friends whose weddings they attend as part of their field research.

Actually most of the preparations are done in the field: checking out the perfect location, sampling the best food and appropriate dinner arrangements, listening to different music, finding the right dress etc. Usually the research takes several months, and during that period those young couples spend many nights at other people’s weddings: collecting data and  critiquing the different aspects of the evening and the overall ambiance.

There are also “religious” considerations, like what kind of a Rabbi to choose for the Chuppah. Some young couples see the ceremony as an opportunity to express themselves  so they choose a young and "cool" Rabbi. Others see religion as a bitter medicine that they have to swallow, thus they sit through different Chuppahs with a stop watch timing the different Rabbis'  and secure the fastest one for their own wedding.

Before they make up their mind, the couples have to make some tough financial decisions like how much money they could spend and on what.   Some  pay for the wedding with their own money, others get the a loan from their parents, and there are the more fortunate couples whose parents give the money with no strings attached and let them plan the wedding and  keep the money.  

By the time the young people are ready with their own production the difference between their future  wedding and that of the  others has become, in their own mind, big and signifcant.  To most of their prospective guests those differences will remain unnoticeable. But as the saying goes: when you embark on a serious research you become the world foremost expert in your own specific subject.

There are other characteristics of the Israeli wedding that I am not going to mention here because I do not wish to sound old and grumpy. It is suffice to hint that I believe that those (like the volume of the music and the accessibility of the location) stem from the lack of parental involvement in the process. Since  it is a Mizva (a religious command) to make the bride and groom happy on their  special day  many  parents are careful not to spoil the occasion with their requests.   

Finally the wedding--  it is time for the young couple to transform all the tangible aspects of the occasion: the research and the preparations into one memorable night. Perhaps when they stand under the Chuppah magic descends: the venue becomes their kingdom, and they are the queen and king of the night.  

Is it worth it? It is not for me to say, only those who were touched by magic in "an Israel Wedding" could answer the question. And as another comment on Facebook boasted (in English this time): "there is nothing like an Israeli wedding"  --Mazal Tov!

*A Chuppah --( a canopy or a covering)  is a canopy under which a Jewish couple stand during their wedding ceremony, stretched or supported over four poles, or sometimes manually held up by attendants to the ceremony. A chuppah symbolizes the home that the couple will build together.