The Widow As An Ushpizin In The Sukkah

When my brother-in-law disappeared from my life, shortly after the death of my husband, I believed that it was my fault. As I was so deep in mourning perhaps I wasn’t sensitive enough to his needs. But after talking to many other widows, and especially after I opened the Facebook group "Widows Move On" (that has over 900 Israeli widows) I realized that the disappearance, some say evaporation, of the relatives of the deceased husband is a very common reality.
Bur since it is so troublesome, and even humiliating, to feel unwanted, excluded and even cut and erased from the world where you used to occupy all the years of your marriage, widows tend not to mention it, because of the shame.
Of course the relatives of the dead husband, his brothers and sisters, suffered a terrible loss. But naturally they go on with their lives surrounded by their nuclear family. However the life of the widow basically stops, and the family, as she and the children have known it, ceases to exist.
In the Bible widows and orphans are regarded as the most vulnerable members of society and it is the duty of the community to take care of them. As today is the eve of Sukkot and many people are busy with Mitzvot and going to Shul, here are some reminders:
Exodus 22:22-3 Ye shall not afflict any widow, or fatherless child. If thou afflict them in any wise, and they cry at all unto me, I will surely hear their cry
Deuteronomy 27:19 “‘Cursed be anyone who perverts the justice due to the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow.’ And all the people shall say, ‘Amen”.
It is true that widows, especially new widows, and their children are not the life of the party, and probably it’s not that much fun to have them as Ushpizin (Aramaic for "guests") in the Sukkah.
But being a mensch or a wo/mench is not always fun, or easy. So perhaps next time before you tell your late brother’s wife that it is too early for you to meet her, or that it is just too hard, remember it is much harder on her and her children

https://blogs.timesofisrael.com/the-widow-as-an-ushpizin-in-the-sukkah/

Listen To Facebook: Don’t Forget To Call Your Parents Today

For billions of users Facebook is a reflection of what they wish their world to be. Some see it as a mere meeting place with friends, others use it as a  a tool  to promote different ideas and beliefs. But for those in need of guidance, Facebook can serve as a source of instant universal truths, with endless quotes and proverbs, from philosophers to religious leaders, about all aspects of life.

I saw one of those aphorisms this morning on my Facebook page. It focuses on sharing special moments with our parents now, since later they will not be here. The late songwriter Ehud Manor (1941-2005) once said that with the loss of his parents he also lost the opportunity to brag. It is so true, bragging to your parents about your success is not bragging at all, it could almost be considered honoring your father and your mother.

This is my essay about the challenges in fulfilling this commandment.

Please kkeep reading in the Times of Israel

http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/listen-to-facebook-dont-forget-to-call-your-parents-today/

Father’s Day and the fifth commandment

I never knew that we had a Father’s Day in Israel, but according to Wikipedia “In Israel, Father's day is called "Yom ha-av" and is usually celebrated on May 1 together with Workers' Day or labour Day.” This is another proof that Wikipedia could not be trusted for reliable information. The truth is that in Israel we don’t have Father’s Day, or Mother’s Day, only the most parve Family Day.

In the US, Father and Mother’s Day are celebrated on Sunday, so that families could have an opportunity to enjoy that time on their day off. Today, the third Sunday in June, is Father’s Day.

While honoring parents one day a year is quite simple and could even be enjoyable, it is much harder the other 363 days of the year. Here is an essay that I wrote some time ago about the special difficulties with the fifth commandment.

Please keep reading in the Times of Israel

http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/fathers-day-and-the-fifth-commandment/

Lot’s Wife And The Danger Of Curiosity

At a conference devoted to the influences of the Old Testament on Hebrew literature, a speaker discussed Lot’s wife (Genesis 19, 26) as a source of poetic inspiration. In Hebrew that dramatic story is summed up in 6 short words: “But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.”

I have been so used to these words that their actual meaning was almost lost. But re-examining the sentence I thought about the danger of curiosity and the high price of the desire to learn.

We learnt  in school that Lot’s wife was punished because she disobeyed God. Yet, in Genesis 19, 17 God says to Lot: “Escape for thy life; look not behind thee.” There is nothing in the text about Lot's  responsibility to warn his family not to ldo so as well. Moreover, although God talks only to Lot, he is not held accountable for the actions of his wife, and she is the only one who is punished.

It is intriguing that the Bible states that the wife (who remains nameless) looks "behind him,” and not behind her. It seems that Lot is very much part of the action.

Curious, eager to learn, and independent: those have always been the qualities of women in pursuit of knowledge and education. They fought to advance themselves in their societies and strived to contribute to their communities. But those were also the exact reasons why Paternalistic societies have regarded education as dangerous.

Only yesterday I suddenly saw the source of and the justification for the zeal and conviction of those men who made sure that education would not be available to women. From the account of the Fall we understand that knowledge is synonymous with disobedience. But in the case of Adam and Eve they were both punished. I never before had traced the beginning of male oppression to the unjust act of God, who punished a woman for a non-sin, in Genesis 19.

Until fairly recently women  in Europe and in the US were denied education, in the introduction to Equality for Some: The Story of Girls’ Education, Barry Turner states: “The female intellect is a recent educational discovery. Traditionally Western civilization has distrusted and discouraged clever women, initially because they were regarded as a threat to the spiritual well-being of the community” 

It wasn’t thank to God of Genesis 19 that Western women won their battle for education, they did it all on their own.

But in other parts of the world, women and girls are not so fortunate, a good example is the  Saudi Arabian film Wadjda. It tells the story of  a bright girl who is determined to win money to buy a bicycle she’s forbidden to ride. She hopes to accomplish this feat by winning a Koran competition. Learning, she trusts, would bring about independence and freedom of mobility. But when she honestly and naively admits that she intends to do with the money, she doesn't get the prize.

Riding a bicycle has been a feminist symbol of self reliance since Victorian time: at that time the safety bicycle became available for skirted women. While bicycle gave them physical independence, education had given them some measure of mental independence and self control.

Wadjda is not different from the hundreds of school girls who were kidnapped on April 14th from the Girls Secondary School in Nigeria. In the name of God, His male executors on earth have taken upon themselves the mission to eradicate education from their country.

In the Biblical story Lot moved on leaving his wife behind, we could no longer afford to do so.

PS  And of course I should not forget Malala Yusafzai.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/susan-m-blaustein/malala-yousafzai-girls-e...