Ostracism and the Collaborating Daughters

It is a real tragedy that Esti Weinstein felt that she had no choice but to take her own life. Several English sources wrote that Weinstein, “a 50 year old mother of seven was estranged from six of her children following her divorce and departure from the Gerrer (Gur) Hasidic community.”

However, the word “estranged” doesn’t begin to describe the reality of a mother who has been ostracized not only by her community, but by her own adult daughters.

Ostracism is a powerful and devastating weapon, and throughout history societies and their leaders have used it to put pressure on those who did not follow the rules. I feel that ostracism is actually a form of betrayal, since it treats the other as though he/she no longer exists

Outside the Haredi community, ostracism could be seen mainly among children in schools. Children who experienced it testify that it is far worse than physical abuse, since, with the latter, at least you know that you are being seen.

But actually it could also happen to anyone. I know the meaning of being ostracized since,  for the last 7 years, I have observed it from a close distance.  It often takes a trauma, such as death or divorce to break up a family. In the case of someone close to me, it was the death of his wife..

This topic is not discussed much in public, people are reluctant to acknowledge that their families are not perfect. Moreover, there is always the fear that if you admit being mistreated by your own family, it reflects badly on you. In a way, it is a variation on the silence of the victim.

Being ostracized doesn’t only affect the present -- not being part of your children and grandchildren's life, but it taints the memories of the past as well. The question "what did I ever do to deserve such a fate?" is always in the air. Parents who are being ostracized by their children find it painful to look at old photos or to see happy families and other people's grandchildren.

This cruel punishment could ruin the future as well. In her letter Esti Weinstein wrote that she had hoped that her estrangement from her daughters was temporary and that with time they would come around. It means that for the last years she spent every day of her life waiting and hoping for her daughters to change their mind. That miracle did not happen, and when she finally realized that nothing was going to change she could not face the pain awaiting for her in the future.

Esti Weinstein chose to kill herself, and she wrote in her last note: "in this town I gave birth to my daughters, and in this town I die because of my daughters."  Most ostracized or estranged parents do not resort to such extreme measures. However it doesn’t mean that they don't suffer. Some learn to live with the pain, others become so desperate that they give up on their new life, and their chance for happiness, in the hope of regaining the approval of their adult children. Just the other day, I heard about a man in a support group for widows and widowers, who ended a happy relationship with a fellow widow because his children threatened to ostracize him. This is how powerful this weapon is.

The fifth commandment: “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you,” is the first, among the 10, that addresses inter-personal relationships, specifically the relationship between children and their parents.

This important commandment doesn't require that adult children approve of their parents’ life choices but that they honor them. Esti Weinstein sanctimonious daughters failed their test in basic Bible comprehension. It is their fault that their mother is dead.

Let it be warning to all adult children who are callous and disrespectful to their parents.

 The essay appeared in the Times Of Israel

http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/ostracism-and-the-collaborating-daughters/

"Price Tag" And Some Left Wing Blunders

About two year ago,  when the name “Price Tag” started to become a house-hold name, I came across an announcement that Peace Now was organizing  bus tours to the occupied territories. The purpose of those excursions was to educate the public about the effects of this new brand of Israeli terrorism.

Immediately I signed up, I had to see for myself the other side, to check what the map looked like in reality, and to hear more about those disturbing activities. Like many Israelis, I have never even been to Ariel, (the only Israeli city across the green line) and it is only 30 minutes drive from Tel Aviv.

The tour's destination was the area which was hit most by settlers’ terrorism. We visited the Palestinian village of Kousra where, at that time, ten settlers from a nearby settlement were caught after they had come to vandalize the village

Then we drove up to the next hill to see the place where the settlers came from.

Please keep reading in the Times Of Israel

http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/price-tag-and-some-left-wing-blunders/

The Customer Is Always Right, Or Meaningful learning?

At a time when our Education Minister, Rabbi Shay Piron is trying to bring about change in the schools with his concept of “meaningful learning,” I have to wonder how he reconciles this lofty idea with the last incident concerning  the  suspension of the Israeli teacher  in Ashkelon.

That teacher  was suspended by her principal  after a  student had hacked into her private email, and published  in the class’ Wattsup his findings-- intimate photos of that teacher in the nude.

Please keep reading in the Times Of Israel 

http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/the-customer-is-always-right-or-meaningful-learning/

Lot’s Wife And The Danger Of Curiosity

At a conference devoted to the influences of the Old Testament on Hebrew literature, a speaker discussed Lot’s wife (Genesis 19, 26) as a source of poetic inspiration. In Hebrew that dramatic story is summed up in 6 short words: “But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.”

I have been so used to these words that their actual meaning was almost lost. But re-examining the sentence I thought about the danger of curiosity and the high price of the desire to learn.

We learnt  in school that Lot’s wife was punished because she disobeyed God. Yet, in Genesis 19, 17 God says to Lot: “Escape for thy life; look not behind thee.” There is nothing in the text about Lot's  responsibility to warn his family not to ldo so as well. Moreover, although God talks only to Lot, he is not held accountable for the actions of his wife, and she is the only one who is punished.

It is intriguing that the Bible states that the wife (who remains nameless) looks "behind him,” and not behind her. It seems that Lot is very much part of the action.

Curious, eager to learn, and independent: those have always been the qualities of women in pursuit of knowledge and education. They fought to advance themselves in their societies and strived to contribute to their communities. But those were also the exact reasons why Paternalistic societies have regarded education as dangerous.

Only yesterday I suddenly saw the source of and the justification for the zeal and conviction of those men who made sure that education would not be available to women. From the account of the Fall we understand that knowledge is synonymous with disobedience. But in the case of Adam and Eve they were both punished. I never before had traced the beginning of male oppression to the unjust act of God, who punished a woman for a non-sin, in Genesis 19.

Until fairly recently women  in Europe and in the US were denied education, in the introduction to Equality for Some: The Story of Girls’ Education, Barry Turner states: “The female intellect is a recent educational discovery. Traditionally Western civilization has distrusted and discouraged clever women, initially because they were regarded as a threat to the spiritual well-being of the community” 

It wasn’t thank to God of Genesis 19 that Western women won their battle for education, they did it all on their own.

But in other parts of the world, women and girls are not so fortunate, a good example is the  Saudi Arabian film Wadjda. It tells the story of  a bright girl who is determined to win money to buy a bicycle she’s forbidden to ride. She hopes to accomplish this feat by winning a Koran competition. Learning, she trusts, would bring about independence and freedom of mobility. But when she honestly and naively admits that she intends to do with the money, she doesn't get the prize.

Riding a bicycle has been a feminist symbol of self reliance since Victorian time: at that time the safety bicycle became available for skirted women. While bicycle gave them physical independence, education had given them some measure of mental independence and self control.

Wadjda is not different from the hundreds of school girls who were kidnapped on April 14th from the Girls Secondary School in Nigeria. In the name of God, His male executors on earth have taken upon themselves the mission to eradicate education from their country.

In the Biblical story Lot moved on leaving his wife behind, we could no longer afford to do so.

PS  And of course I should not forget Malala Yusafzai.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/susan-m-blaustein/malala-yousafzai-girls-e...