For Father’s Day: The Father As A Teacher

Growing up in Israel in the late 1950s I hardly have any childhood memories of my father. He was always away at work. My mother and my older brother were in charge of my upbringing. I got to know my father only as an adult. Children books and magazines, from that time, tell a similar story to mine. The father was always absent, either physically at work, or emotionally. Pictures of the father show him quite withdrawn, sitting behind a newspaper which separates him from the rest of his family.

It seems that fathers in the 1950s were spoilt by their family, which demanded nothing of them but gave them a lot of respect. But already in the 1980s things were different, my husband was an involved father, as the following Father’s Day story indicates.

It all started with a project: a dollhouse made out of wooden bookcase, which my daughters built together with their father. They had labored on it for weeks, and then when the dollhouse was finally done it was time to furnish it.

My husband asked the girls to make a list of the essential items they needed in order to furnish the different rooms of the house. Their wish list was very long: there were so many things that they just couldn't do without.

Then he said: “This is an excellent list, and we will be happy to split the cost of the furniture that you have chosen.” He announced it as though he was handing out a big  award, which in a way he was. It was just that they were caught off guard, our daughters were certain that we would be paying for everything.

I was as surprised as the girls: my husband had not revealed his plan, he was probably worried that I would object. Indeed, although I said nothing and went along, I secretly felt that at the age of 7 and 8 they were too young to have their wings clipped in such a way. They were thrilled about the finished dollhouse and were looking forward to the endless possibilities of interior design.

It is not that he wasn't willing to spend the money, quite the contrary, like the rest of us he was anxious to see the dollhouse come to life. In retrospect I understand that this was a brilliant fiscal move. He seized an opportune  moment to teach our daughters the meaning of money -- value, making choices, taking responsibility, accountability and even patience.

The girls were not even resentful, as rational creatures they just went ahead, made the calculation of how much money they were willing to spend, and came up with a much shorter list of the most important items.

As a business professor, and a father, he wanted to demonstrate to his daughters the concept of an  "interested party." In our case it meant that if they wanted something, they had to take action. It was also an enabling lesson, the girls saved money to buy new furniture, and made some decorations themselves. The dollhouse became more meaningful and valuable because we, the parents, refrained from buying all the furniture for them at once.

My husband believed that children should learn early about money so that they could grow up to be responsible adults. But he was able to teach them such a lesson only because he was close to his daughters, and worked together with them. It is true that my own father had a much easier life at home, but I feel that since he was absent, he missed out a lot.

Happy Father's Day!

 The essay appeared in the Times of Israel 

http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/for-fathers-day-the-father-as-a-teacher/

Is It Really About Love? Valentine's Day

In spite of spending 15 years in the US, I never got used to the commercial way Valentine's Day was celebrated there. After the Christmas decorations had finally disappeared from the stores, it took but a minute for the red and pink Valentine's Day merchandise to fill their place. It’s not that I don’t believe in love, but, as a skeptical Israeli, I suspected that Valentine’s Day was actually a scheme devised by companies like Hallmark Cards in order to boost sales during the cold dreary winter months.

And speaking of cards I was especially uncomfortable with the public celebration of Valentine’s Day at the elementary school.

The simple question “will you be my Valentine,” is honest and specific.  I tell you that I care about you and ask if you feel the same way about me. This question is directed to only one person-- you.

Please keep reading in the Times Of Israel

http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/is-it-really-about-love-valentines-day/

From Marriage Ban To Freezing Eggs: The High Price Of Equality

Until the end of the Second World War and even later, in many places around the world, women had to choose between a career and marriage. Those who decided to have a career knew that they had to give up having a family.

In Britain, for example, by law, being a teacher or working in the Civil Service meant that the woman remained a spinster. Only in 1944 did the Education Act enshrined that women teachers were not dismissed once they got married. Two years later in 1946 marriage bar was removed from female civil servants.

Marriage bar at the work place must have made life simpler, at least for men, 

Please keep reading in the Times Of Israel

http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/from-marriage-ban-to-freezing-eggs-the-high-price-of-equality/

Feeling The Teacher's Angst

 APR.01.2013 

The minute I leave my last class before the weekend, I experience pure joy. This is a state of sweet freedom when my heart is filled with carefree energy. I call this sensation, which lasts for several hours, my weekly mini vacation.  I have to say that I do like my job and I especially like my students, but lately when I teach on Sundays, the first work day  of the week, my Sunday blues starts on Saturday afternoon.

 I have always felt that I wasn’t meant to be a teacher, however,  reflecting on my life choices, I become more and more convinced that  teaching has always been my true vocation.

I have started teaching as a teen ager and have never stopped. When my girls were young and learnt to play an instrument in the Suzuki method, I was their home teacher. I practiced the violin and the cello with them for years. When my older daughter was two and a half  I started with another mother a Sunday school program for children and their parents so that they all enjoy some Jewish education.

Although I did well teaching in informal settings, where I usually volunteered, I was a complete failure when I tried to join the formal school system. When we returned  to Israel I started teaching high school English. I am embarrassed to admit that after only one week  I understood  that this was not a job which I could do.  I was never  good at disciplining and had to quit.

I have been teaching at a college for almost twenty years; I was lucky to find a good position and was happy that I could enjoy teaching without  worrying about discipline.

But in the last few years things have changed; different political priorities have led to budget cuts and those resulted in much larger classes. Class management, which is the polite word for disciplining has become a real challenge, especially when teaching a foreign language. I don’t want to be strict with my students, it is not their fault. Cramped 40 students in a small room they are the true victims of a changing system.  But as for me, imagining myself tomorrow standing in front of them and try to command their wondering attention,  I realize that, today more than ever, I have a good reason to feel a teacher’s  angst

Kindness Of Strangers": A Different Holiday

 When we were in the US, we always dreamt about going back to Israel so that our daughters would grow up there. When they were in second and first grade respectively it finally happened. My husband got a position in Ben Gurion University in the southern city of Beer Sheva, and I got a job teaching English in a public high school.

 We arrived to Beer Sheva late in August few days prior to the start of the school year. Our daughters spoke Hebrew, but they needed extra help with their reading and writing.

I started teaching at the high school, but as I have never taught before, I was not at all ready for what  happened in class. Instead of teaching my students the wonders of the English language, like I had planned, the noise in the class forced me to constantly discipline them. I had no experience and had no idea on how to make the students sit quietly and  listen to me, and as a result I could not engage them. I felt uprepared and  helpless.

 At the end of an especially exhausting day, some ten days after the beginning of the year, I realized  that I was not up to the job. Moreover, I felt  that I would not have the needed energy to help my own girls with their  Hebrew if I kept on struggling with the students to teach them  English.  When my husband came home that afternoon I told him that I decided to quit, he understood.

 I went down to the public phone to call my supervisor;  it was simply not done to quit after the beginning of the year, and I expected  that she would be furious with me. But instead she listened and said that she understood, she told me that she would come to visit me the following day.

 When she came over she was most sympathetic and  shared with me the  difficulties she encountered after she immigrated to Israel some fifteen years  earlier. She arrived here as a young woman and started teaching right away, it was hard but she got used to it.

Like her, we were young when we moved to tohe US and faced some challenges in our new country, but we too managed. However, moving back home we were sure that since we knew the place it would be easy and familiar to adapt to Israel again. My failure as a teacher came as a shock.

As it was several days before the High Holidays, my new friend invited our family to her home for dinner. Our families got along well and it was a beginning of a lifelong friendship. Although in quitting my job at the  high school, I obviously created a problem, she recommended me for another job. About  two months later when we wanted to buy a house, she and her husband had known, even before we did,  that we needed  someone to cosign for the mortgage loan. At a great financial risk if we defaulted on the loan, they offered their help and cosigned our loan.

 Although this is not a Christmas story, the kindness of my former boss is surely in the spirit of the season. We were strangers, but she and her husband were never suspicious toward us, quite the contrary: they were generous and made us welcome.  This experience has changed not only our reality at the time, but it also affected the way we viewed the world: it inspired us to become more accepting and in a way made us better people.

Keywords:

Could You Please Put Your Phone Away

For several years until my daughter moved to the US, we had enjoyed a joint custody over our beloved Pomeranian Sophie. We started this happy arrangement the moment we brought her home when she was only one month old. As she grew older, it was clear that Sophie’s two mothers used totally different educational approaches. I was the strict disciplinarian, and my daughter was much softer. Sophie, a very intelligent dog, adjusted: in my home she ate only dog food and at my daughter’s she shared all her meals with her mother, all the while barking and making her wishes known.

Since I believe in “live and let live,” I said (almost) nothing, but the problem arose when my daughter and Sophie sat together for dinner at my place. Then Sophie would stand by my daughter, bark tenaciously, and demand food. Suddenly she became that anxious and dependent dog, and forgot all about the, much calmer and happier, arrangement at our home.

I was reminded of Sophie’s anxiety when I saw the difficulties that my students had in controlling their smartphone use during class. Schools all over the country forbid the use of phones, and it seems to be a necessary rule for high school students. However, until recently I had believed that it wasn't needed for college students. I assumed that grown-ups who have been making such an effort to finance their studies ( At my college a yearly tuition is over 30000 nis, while a working student would earn between 2000—4000 nis) would focus on getting the most out of their money. Sadly I was wrong, in class, instead of learning, my students were using Facebook, and Whatsup (in Hebrew of course) constantly keeping in touch with their friends.

To help them see the light, I tried first the educational approach, I reminded my students how hard they work for their degree (I often see them working at the different restaurants around town), they agreed, but kept on checking their messages.

Because of Sophie I understood how the smartphone, which was lying right in front of them, made my students anxious. I realized the difficulties they had in controlling the urge to check their phones, and how this dependence negatively affected their ability to learn. Moreover, it finally dawned on me that the smartphone with its dictionary, and the other useful learning devices could ultimately destroy my students’ concentration.

I have to admit that I am as addicted to my smartphone as my students, but of course I never take it out of my bag during class. I concluded that this would also be the best solution for my students.

It took some time and practice, especially since I started enforcing the no phones rule mid semester. At first I had to personally remind each student to put the phone away. I hope it is not only my imagination, but I see some improvement in my students' engagement in the lesson.

My daughter would probably disagree, but I am convinced that my approach to Sophie’s education was correct. It was beneficial to her mental well-being, and in my home Sophie was a calmer and happier dog. I know better than to even hint that humans are in any way similar to my little Pom. But I testify that I sense a new yet familiar calmness in my students. I hope that now we could finally go back to learning.